The Mystery of Love

I don't know why I suddenly miss him...


Maybe this past few days, he's been sick and I was too busy with my work and we didn't had the time to talk.


HIndi ako sanay nang hindi kami nagkikita. Araw-araw. For almost 7 years we tried to see each other everyday. Hindi ko alam kung ako lang ang hindi nag sasawa, but my day is not complete without seeing him.


Magka text kami from sunrise to sunset. Everyday, we keep on reminding each other to "hey, eat your lunch", "Kamusta ka dyan?", "pauwi ka na?", "goodnite.. sleep na tayo.", "How was your day?"...
so many things that made to the point that things become routinary. Still, hindi kami nagsasawa.


Every year, we tried to arrange for an out-of-town vacation. To keep time for ourselves. To be with each other. To bond away from somewhere else. To make love on those virgin islands...


Hindi ko alam kung gaano pa katagal aabutin ang relasyon namin. Sobrang mahal ko sya to the point that I almost gave up everything for him. He might not be able to do the same for me, yet, I don't expect anything in return. I know he loves me too... and I know that he also loves someone else...


Before, I keep telling myself that I won't fall in love again. Masarap na masakit umibig. I guess that's the thing that made love really different from something else. It's capable of transforming nothing into something.


I'm not crazy to realize that time will come that we will need to take our own roads. Gustuhin ko mang wag but then we really need to... for some reason... He's married.


I don't know where this path will lead me. But I keep on praying to our Divine Source - to please give me more understanding, more patience, a more open-mind to accept things as it is when that day comes.


I know that this is just a part of an unending search for the true meaning of love and I have yet to understand its mystery.


Hindi man tayo magkasama the whole lifetime... but I'll promise that I'll look for you in my next lifetime.

Cicada Spa

I was reading Utopia last week to keep in view what are the recent ins and outs of discreet guys today.

One category I bumped in is the spa frequently visited by gays, bis and discreet Adans in the metro.

I was surprise to know na ang dami ng spa today that caters to all walks of life or should I say to all types of men who walks in life?

One is Cicada Spa.

Location: 97 Gil Puyat Avenue Corner South Super Highway Palanan, Makati City

(besides Cash & Carry)

It was Tuesday after office when I decided to pass on this place. 

I took the full body massage service for Php250

As soon I enter the Spa, 2 women greeted me. 

"Good evening sir! Massage po?"

Gusto ko sana sumagot nang "Nope, magpapabunot ng ipin..." 

Kaso napigilan ko dahil na rin siguro sa pagod.

Walang masyadong tao that night. Siguro dahil Tuesday at medyo maaga pa. 

I'll admit I was expecting something naughty to happen but it wasn't my priority since I would really want to have a good massage to relax.

Immediately a lady gave me a pair of slippers. So I removed my black leather shoes and handed it over to her.

After 3 mins, the same lady escorted me inside.

The place was dimly lighted. Maliliit and space each room. Kurtina lang ang pinaka pinto sa bawat room. There was a piano music playing... Somewhere in Time.

Then may isang common restroom.

As soon I entered the room, or should I say, cubicle, there were only 3 things inside it - a single bed with white bedsheet, a white towel, and a yellow lightbulb.

Binaba ko ang bag ko and I undress myself. Maginaw. Siguro dahil wala pang masayadong tao. 

Kinuha ko ang white towel to cover my lowers and then dumapa.

I was enjoying the piano music when a guy entered the dark blue curtain.

"Good evening, sir! Lights-off po?"

Massaging with lights-off?

Medyo pahiya akong pumayag, and since nakadapa ako ng pumasok sya, I wasn't even got the chance to see his face.

He immediately started with his works.

Back.

Arms.

Legs.

I was surprised dahil after massaging my legs is pumatong sya sa likod ko at umupo sa may hita ko. Though he's still supporting part of his weight, ramdam ko ang pagkubabaw nya sa hita ko.

Then he started massaging my but.

Sa way nang pagmamasahe sya, I can sense na he is more of a panadero than a masseur.

Sobrang tagal nyang minasahe ang pwet ko to the point na he's spending most of the time massaging it compared to the other parts of my body.

After which is umupo sya banda sa mismong butt ko...maybe to massage my back.

Then pinatihaya nya ko.Umupo sya sa side ng bed to massage my hands... and he's doing this while my hand is on top of his crouch.

He takes his time. And so do I. 

I can't feel anything to be honest.

Then my chest.

Lastly, since the only thing that covers my private part is the white towel, he massages my crouch inside it. Up down... up down.

Then he whispered into my ear.

"Extra service, sir?"

"Anong service?" 

"Hand-job, sir"

"Magkano?"

"Php 500 lang"

I don't know what happens next. 

Pero hindi ako pumayag.

After that ay lumabas sya then he instructed me to wait. After a minute, bumalik sya na may dalang hot towel.

I was impressed by his professionalism though, na kahit hindi ako pumayag he treated me just like a valued customer.

Binuksan nya ang dim bulb then lumabas agad.

Nagbihis ako.

Then lumabas to look for restroom.

I paid at the counter and asked:

"Nasan na yung nag massage sakin?

"Hayun po sir" Sabay turo sa guy na nakatayo sa gilid.

I handed him Php 100.00. 

"Thank you, sir."

Sabay aninag sa muka nya... first time kong nakita ang face nya.

No regrets na hindi ako pumayag sa offer nya.

But I still thank him for being professional in a way I reject his first offer.

Overall, the spa is good considering its cheap services rate. Whether you look for something naughty or just an hour of minor relaxation, Cicada spa is just around the corner.

Back To Reality

Well, it's been a while since my last blog.

Lots of things happened both in my social and personal life.

Time passes quickly, just like sands that passes thru our fingers. Indeed, time is the most important treasure that everybody has. It's up to us how to use it. So be wise.

Here are the 3 major highlights that happened in my life since last year I blogged:

Career - I moved back to travel and tourism job. I'm not sure if this will be my job-to-retirement career, but I think something is still missing.

Social - I've been engaged frequently in masses due to the nature of my job. Which means more effort to be discreet.

Lovelife - Trying to move on. I keep telling myself to let go and move forward. I think I'm ready to welcome and embrace singleship... for now...

Things keep on changing. There are no permanent things in this world.

Most of the time, I wonder where I have been for the past years. 

Did I miss some opportunities along the way because I'm busy chasing love?

Whatever I did, I'm quite sure that everything happens for a reason.

I'm in the exact place and exact time where I should be at this very moment.

I know that there are lots of things in store for me, and what I need is to let go of my past to embrace tomorrow.

The Story

Maybe this is the time…

The right time to understand than to be understood…

The right time to put things in its place…

The right time to hurt, again…

The right time to let go…

Or probably the right time to start... again.

I am in a turning-six-year-old relationship. A very complicated relationship. Lahat na ata ay naranasan ko sa relasyon na to. Kala ko, this will be my happily ever after ending story, but I guess things just keep on changing.

Sabi nga mistakes in our life will keep on repeating until we don't have any choice but to accept it.

Things will not be always as what it “have been” and it is also not always as what it “will be”.

 I don't know... the only thing I want from now is to start a new life...

Trust

Relationship is based on trust... as far as I believe.

It is difficult to rebuild relationship from a lost trust.

I know so much about you that I'd rather choose to be silent or else I know that it'll lead to a fight.
I trusted you so much because I believe in you. I believe in your love for me. I believe in "us".

How many times I found that your into other guys... sending sweet emails, planning for your future, exchanging I love yous...
It hurts a lot, knowing that we didn't had the time to plan for ours. I feel that the weight of the world crushes on my shoulder.

But I choose to remain silent... because I love you.

I'm waiting for your confession but you choose to remain calm and relax.

Time goes by and I know that you will change... at least for the better.

Years passed... nothing happened. Things keep on repeating, much worse.

But I choose to remain silent... because I love you.

I don't know where it will lead us. I just wanted to tell you that I'm also human... I laugh, I cry, I get hurt.

Sometimes I wanted to go somewhere, some place where no one has even the slightest idea who I am... just to start a new life.

Nakakapagod na...